nana- in search... - He's dancing again!

My rider is making a comeback
He's dancing again
Is it because of the message I sent that encourages him to return?
I wonder why

I am delighted
but confused at the same time
I am having two really gorgeous guys waiting for me
How long should I let them wait

I love both
One is a Man.
Who is strong willed, insensitive, etc u name it
The other is
A man too.
He is the opposite
An artist who is gentle, soft spoken, sensitive

I love both
but i cant have both
I dont know which is better for me
I could not see which one would i be living my life with
and why.

I want to be happy
with a family
But i will be unhappy to let go of one
why do i always have to be in a triangle?
why do i always have to choose?
why cant i just meet one and devote to one?

i wana be like my best friend
just meet one guy who loves her
and dont have to bother choosing
its been 5 years of their dating
next yr to tie the knot

why cant i be just like that?

i want to move on without hesitation

if i were to pick rider,
what will hapen to my diver?
we have made plans to go overseas
he is going to accompany me there
he is going to sacrifice many things and just be there
for me.
he'll work and provide me a study life that i will be comfortable in
how nice and how lucky can i get??
if i were to pick diver
what will happen to my rider?
he's my long lost love
someone whom i first fell for
the first guy i fell for after 9 years of without affection for a man
he'll be the guy whos able to guide me to be a solehah wife
he'll be a great friend
for me to talk to and share my probs
someone who understands
what i am going thru and listens attentively
he knows how to soften my heart
i love him

both sides has their strengths
and both has their weaknesses
so tough
too tough for me to make a selection

should i do istikharah prayer
to ask Allah for guidance?

but im afraid to see
what i will be dreaming of

i know i will only see one face
that God would like me to select
I am afraid
i will only see one face
and not the other

i am going to miss the face that does not appear
oh god
pls help me